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There was a time in my life when I believed I was a failure because I didn’t have a 4.0 GPA,
I built a core belief system that held my worth and value in the hand of accomplishment.
When someone suggested that I had worth and value aside from what I did, I ignored them.
I actually did more than ignore them, I ran away from them. I know that’s probably not the
usual response, but for me admitting that I was valuable aside from my work or studies,
was to lose everything I had believed in. It was difficult to wrap my mind around everything
that would change, and all the questions that would no longer have answers. Truth be told,
I was terrified that I had believed a lie. And I ran from it for a long time, in my world it was
better to be a failure than to find out everyone was lying to me.
When I finally began to give myself a chance to discover my worth and value, I found that
not only was I believing a lie, but there were a lot of good reasons for believing it. I found
that there was a lot inside me that I had buried because they were hard, because they
were ugly, because they were scary. Sometimes it was so stressful trying to rebuild my
beliefs on something true that it would literally make me sick. It tempted me to quit, to
return to believing what I had learned and what everyone around me was telling me, to
bury my head in the sand in pretend nothing had changed. Every time I tried I found
another truth, once you step in there is no going back. In some ways I wished that I had
known that before I started on my journey to find who I am and where I am supposed to be.
But to be completely honest, if I had known that I wouldn’t have risked anything to move
forward, and even with everything I have seen in myself that I wish I could wipe away, I
wouldn’t go back. I wouldn’t go back to living in that lie, even though now I am unsure of
some things, even though now I feel exposed and afraid. Even though sometimes I am
scared to hope, and felt unworthy of having hope, I know there is more to life. I have seen
something I never knew existed, and I have found something I don’t want to lose again:
hope that there is something more, something bigger, and something better for me.
Take a break and look up:
1 Samuel 18:14
Psalm 73:26
Psalm 112:7
Proverbs 9:10
Ecclesiastes 12:13-14
Isaiah 33:6
Lamentations 3:22
Before continuing, take a few moments to journal over what you have read.
Journal briefly over the following questions:
1. What external forces drive you?
2. What things are you beginning to see might be lies you believe about yourself?
3. What is holding you back from moving forward?
4. What, if anything, are you afraid of finding?
Awhile back I found myself staring at my transcripts, soaking in that doomsday points
system that told me I was less than perfect and I realized something. I failed to be perfect,
but I knew I was not a failure. I no longer felt like a failure just because I didn’t make the
grade, and I used to. In that moment I honestly wanted to cry because for the first time in
my life I didn’t have a 4.0, but on the other hand I wanted to cry because I knew I had
found a place where I could become who I was supposed to be. I had sacrificed study on
the alter of late nights on the Internet counseling people in crisis and helping hall mates
learn to love like Christ. I had neglected my books to build relationships with lonely people,
and shown thoroughly broken ones how to find healing. I traded class for a cup of coffee
with a suicidal friend and lunch with a severely abused woman. I didn’t need to justify my
lowered scores, I didn’t need to hide from the gavel I thought would come down on my
head, and I didn’t feel like my world was crashing down. I had pulled it down on top of me,
and now I was rebuilding. Only this time I was rebuilding my world around something I
learned about myself, and something I learned about God. I had been so afraid to find
what He really wanted for me that I didn’t see it, and I didn’t see what it was doing to Him or
anyone else. All I had seen was unknown and dark as a moonless night, and I had wanted
a flashlight and a baseball bat just to put one foot in.
This time I wanted to start on the right foot, this time I wanted to build on truth instead of
lies. Truthfully I am still working on this; don’t get me wrong, a lifetime of lies is not washed
away in a moment. There is still residue and there may always be little stains that won’t
come out. But I can live with that, at least I know what living is; at least I know there is
something to look forward to. I know there is more to life than working myself to the bone in
hopes that I will be perfect, worthy, or valuable to others. That’s not really what life is
about, and to be completely honest, that’s not what God designed any of us to be about. I
am figuring myself out, a little at a time. And in the midst of figuring myself out, I am finding
out why God created humans to begin with, I am finding out what life is all about.
Take some time to open up the following scriptures:
John 20:19
Romans 12:2
2 Corinthians 4:1-18
Ephesians 6:10-20
Philippians 3:20-4:1
1 Thessalonians 5:11-21
Hebrews 10:25
Before continuing, take a few moments to journal over what you have read.
Journal briefly over the following questions:
1. Who are you?
2. What lies are you believing about yourself?
3. What is holding you back?
4. What, if anything, are you afraid of?
Closing comments:
Who are you? That is something you have to figure out for yourself. In the end, you’
re the only one who is going to have to explain to God who you became and what you did
with the time He gave you. It can be a long and complicated journey figuring out who you
are, and who you are meant to be. Move, one step at a time, and when one step gets
rough, make the step smaller. Don’t give up.
What lies do you believe about yourself? Compare some of your core beliefs with
Scripture; try replacing some of your ‘core lies’ with truth. Instead of shying away from the
possibility that you believe something false, step towards it, there is a whole other life on
the other side.
What is holding you back from moving forward? Take inventory of the baggage you
are carrying, ask yourself why you are still lugging it around, and who it is helping. Maybe
there are some poison thoughts, some toxic experiences, or maybe even corrosive people
in your life. It is time for you to put them down for awhile and see what happens.
What are you afraid of finding? Don’t find it alone. Remember, God created us to be
in relationship with other people. Find someone you can trust, who will support and
challenge you without making your decisions for you.
Do you have an accountability partner? If so, share your thoughts on these things
with him or her, and spend some time in prayer over what you have discovered. If not, find
someone you are willing to talk to and share your thoughts with him or her.
I built a core belief system that held my worth and value in the hand of accomplishment.
When someone suggested that I had worth and value aside from what I did, I ignored them.
I actually did more than ignore them, I ran away from them. I know that’s probably not the
usual response, but for me admitting that I was valuable aside from my work or studies,
was to lose everything I had believed in. It was difficult to wrap my mind around everything
that would change, and all the questions that would no longer have answers. Truth be told,
I was terrified that I had believed a lie. And I ran from it for a long time, in my world it was
better to be a failure than to find out everyone was lying to me.
When I finally began to give myself a chance to discover my worth and value, I found that
not only was I believing a lie, but there were a lot of good reasons for believing it. I found
that there was a lot inside me that I had buried because they were hard, because they
were ugly, because they were scary. Sometimes it was so stressful trying to rebuild my
beliefs on something true that it would literally make me sick. It tempted me to quit, to
return to believing what I had learned and what everyone around me was telling me, to
bury my head in the sand in pretend nothing had changed. Every time I tried I found
another truth, once you step in there is no going back. In some ways I wished that I had
known that before I started on my journey to find who I am and where I am supposed to be.
But to be completely honest, if I had known that I wouldn’t have risked anything to move
forward, and even with everything I have seen in myself that I wish I could wipe away, I
wouldn’t go back. I wouldn’t go back to living in that lie, even though now I am unsure of
some things, even though now I feel exposed and afraid. Even though sometimes I am
scared to hope, and felt unworthy of having hope, I know there is more to life. I have seen
something I never knew existed, and I have found something I don’t want to lose again:
hope that there is something more, something bigger, and something better for me.
Take a break and look up:
1 Samuel 18:14
Psalm 73:26
Psalm 112:7
Proverbs 9:10
Ecclesiastes 12:13-14
Isaiah 33:6
Lamentations 3:22
Before continuing, take a few moments to journal over what you have read.
Journal briefly over the following questions:
1. What external forces drive you?
2. What things are you beginning to see might be lies you believe about yourself?
3. What is holding you back from moving forward?
4. What, if anything, are you afraid of finding?
Awhile back I found myself staring at my transcripts, soaking in that doomsday points
system that told me I was less than perfect and I realized something. I failed to be perfect,
but I knew I was not a failure. I no longer felt like a failure just because I didn’t make the
grade, and I used to. In that moment I honestly wanted to cry because for the first time in
my life I didn’t have a 4.0, but on the other hand I wanted to cry because I knew I had
found a place where I could become who I was supposed to be. I had sacrificed study on
the alter of late nights on the Internet counseling people in crisis and helping hall mates
learn to love like Christ. I had neglected my books to build relationships with lonely people,
and shown thoroughly broken ones how to find healing. I traded class for a cup of coffee
with a suicidal friend and lunch with a severely abused woman. I didn’t need to justify my
lowered scores, I didn’t need to hide from the gavel I thought would come down on my
head, and I didn’t feel like my world was crashing down. I had pulled it down on top of me,
and now I was rebuilding. Only this time I was rebuilding my world around something I
learned about myself, and something I learned about God. I had been so afraid to find
what He really wanted for me that I didn’t see it, and I didn’t see what it was doing to Him or
anyone else. All I had seen was unknown and dark as a moonless night, and I had wanted
a flashlight and a baseball bat just to put one foot in.
This time I wanted to start on the right foot, this time I wanted to build on truth instead of
lies. Truthfully I am still working on this; don’t get me wrong, a lifetime of lies is not washed
away in a moment. There is still residue and there may always be little stains that won’t
come out. But I can live with that, at least I know what living is; at least I know there is
something to look forward to. I know there is more to life than working myself to the bone in
hopes that I will be perfect, worthy, or valuable to others. That’s not really what life is
about, and to be completely honest, that’s not what God designed any of us to be about. I
am figuring myself out, a little at a time. And in the midst of figuring myself out, I am finding
out why God created humans to begin with, I am finding out what life is all about.
Take some time to open up the following scriptures:
John 20:19
Romans 12:2
2 Corinthians 4:1-18
Ephesians 6:10-20
Philippians 3:20-4:1
1 Thessalonians 5:11-21
Hebrews 10:25
Before continuing, take a few moments to journal over what you have read.
Journal briefly over the following questions:
1. Who are you?
2. What lies are you believing about yourself?
3. What is holding you back?
4. What, if anything, are you afraid of?
Closing comments:
Who are you? That is something you have to figure out for yourself. In the end, you’
re the only one who is going to have to explain to God who you became and what you did
with the time He gave you. It can be a long and complicated journey figuring out who you
are, and who you are meant to be. Move, one step at a time, and when one step gets
rough, make the step smaller. Don’t give up.
What lies do you believe about yourself? Compare some of your core beliefs with
Scripture; try replacing some of your ‘core lies’ with truth. Instead of shying away from the
possibility that you believe something false, step towards it, there is a whole other life on
the other side.
What is holding you back from moving forward? Take inventory of the baggage you
are carrying, ask yourself why you are still lugging it around, and who it is helping. Maybe
there are some poison thoughts, some toxic experiences, or maybe even corrosive people
in your life. It is time for you to put them down for awhile and see what happens.
What are you afraid of finding? Don’t find it alone. Remember, God created us to be
in relationship with other people. Find someone you can trust, who will support and
challenge you without making your decisions for you.
Do you have an accountability partner? If so, share your thoughts on these things
with him or her, and spend some time in prayer over what you have discovered. If not, find
someone you are willing to talk to and share your thoughts with him or her.
Measure me...
are our mission
everything you are
You...
and everything you can become
| Having trouble finding things in your concordance? Click here Need some more in-depth Bible help? Click here Want to look up the meaning of words, or find related words? Click here Want an exercise that might help build life goals? Click here Questions, comments, suggestions about this series or others? Click here |