John & Stasi Elderege
"Mothers, Daughters, Sisters"
Outline & Handout property of FLUFF Ministries (c) 2006
“Whether good or bad, whether redemptive or destructive, our relationships with our mothers affected us
to the core of our beings, helping to shape us into the women we have become (Captivating, 168).”
“We are not all mothers, but we all had one. Or longed for one...Many a good woman makes the
desperate mistake of believing that her daughter is a reflection of herself, an extension of herself, and
therefore the verdict on her as a mother and a woman (Captivating, 169).”
Take a 3x5 card and allow students two minutes to write everything that comes to mind when
they think of the word “mother.” These cards are not to share with others, make this clear.
“Girls hearts flourish in homes where they are seen and invited to become ever more themselves.
Parents who enjoy their daughters are giving them and the world a great gift. Mothers in particular have
the opportunity to offer encouragement to their daughters by inviting them into their feminine world and
by treasuring their daughters’ unique beauty (Captivating, 170).”
“I do know that it began after I had looked honestly at my childhood and grieved deeply the wounds my
parents had dealt me, inflicted by action and inaction. I had looked squarely at my youth, I’d been angry.
I’d been sorrowful. And after a season, I was able to forgive (Captivating, 173).”
“Years later, as God addressed yet another layer of unhealed wounds, I was grieving that in my mother’s
presence I still felt “not good enough.” I still felt like a failure to her, a deep disappointment. Her words
continued to pierce. It was then that God showed me that the way my mother made me feel was exactly
the way I may her feel! An embarrassment. A failure...I knew with utter clarity that it was true, I felt her
sorrow. I saw some of her irritating comments to me in a new light. She wanted me to like her, know her,
and enjoy her just as much as I wanted her to feel that way about me. And I had withheld my acceptance
from her. I realized for the first time how deeply I wounded her (Captivating, 174).”
“Both my parents are gone now, off and away and fully alive in heaven. I tell you this story because I
want you to know that redemption is possible. Healing is possible. Ask Jesus to bring it to you and yours.
Then, if you can, go, call your mother. Tell her you love her (Captivating, 176).”
We wound as much as we are wounded, rightly or wrongly, we have wounded our parents too.
It is up to us to take that first move toward healing the relationship between our mothers and
Proverbs 22:6, Titus 2:3-5
“As large as the role is that our mothers play, the word mother is more powerful when used as a verb
than as a noun. All women are not mothers, but all women are called to mother. To mother is to nurture,
to educate, to rear. As daughters of Eve, all women are uniquely gifted to help others in their lives
become more of who they truly are – to encourage, nurture, and mother them toward their true selves...
seeing who a person really is and calling him out to be that person...Yes, men are called to this as well.
But uniquely and deeply, this calling makes up part of the very fiber of a woman’s soul – the calling to
mother (Captivating, 177).”
“Women give birth to all kinds of things – to books (it’s nearly as hard as a child, believe me), to
churches, to movements. Women give birth to ideas, to creative expressions, to ministries. We birth life
in others by inviting them into deeper realms of healing, to deeper walks with God, to deeper intimacy
with Jesus. A woman is not less of a woman because she is not a wife or has not physically borne a child.
The heart and life of a woman is much more vast than that (Captivating, 179).”
“A woman must have woman friends...“There is a fierce jealousy, a fiery devotion, and a great loyalty
between women friends...To have a woman friend is to relax into another soul and be welcome in all you
are and all that you are not. To know that as a woman, you are not alone. Friendships between women
provide a safe place to share in the experiences of life as a woman (Captivating, 180).”
“We need to pay attention to each other, really see one another. That truly is the greatest gift...True
friendship will be opposed. One woman often feels less important to the other, or accused as needy or
misunderstood. Honest communication in love is the only way to live and grow in friendships. There are
ebbs and flows. There may be too much dependence. There may be real hurt and disappointment. In
fact, it’s inevitable in our broken world. But with the grace of God firmly holding us, reminding us that he
is the source of our true happiness, it is possible to nurture and sustain deep friendships throughout our
lives. We are not made to life our lives alone (Captivating, 182).”
God is asking us to step out, take a risk, and trust Him. People desperately want what we have
when we are in solid relationships with God, but we have to take a risk and offer that to them.
When we are in intimate relationship with God, trusting His love for us, we have the ability to
offer something to the world that is desperately needed: truth of the love of Christ. God
offers us Freedom and Life, we can offer this to the world.
“God invites us to risk trusting him and enter into redemptive friendships with others – to open ourselves
up to the possibility of being hurt as well as to the possibility of tasting the sweet fruit of companionship...
Eve possesses a bottomless well of longing. Jesus alone is the never-ending fount, which can slake her
thirst. No other source, no other relationship will fully satisfy. God made us that way. On purpose
“Deep longing is part of the grace given to Eve to drive her to the river of Life...A woman who partners
with God in bringing forth life in this damaged world – offering, loving, inviting others to become who they
were meant to be – she is a mother indeed. She – like God – offers Freedom and Life (Captivating,